I once fell in and then out of love, and when I was not in love anymore I realized that I had never been. It was nothing but an illusion of my own human mind.
Then I fell in love again, and when once again I had to go, I just kept on loving. And because of that I know the love was true.
I believe that to love in the truest sense of the word, then we must be willing to give it up for the greater good, even if it causes us great pain. In doing so we can allow the love to endure when otherwise is might wither and die under pressure. By setting love free, it can take wing on the breeze of life. Now it is no longer up to us, love is free to make its choice, whether that choice is to catch a gust of wind and seed itself elsewhere, or be blown back to us.
Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, and one is rarely far away from the other. I cannot remember a time when I have hated someone I did not also love. I believe to fully feel one emotion we must also have felt its opposite. I can’t think of anyone I have gone from “kind of liking” to passionately hating, at worst I might begin to really dislike them, but passively and without intensity. When we lose love, the temptation is to fall into hatred. This is a coping mechanism, if we can focus on a person’s flaws, or how they wronged us, then we do not have to feel so bad about losing their positive influence in our life, and the way that the righted us. As Carrie Fischer once said, “resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”. It serves no one, and hurts everyone, but mostly yourself.
The idea of lost love is an illusion anyway. Love is never lost, only changed. Once we have loved a person, we never stop, if we do, we usually discover we did not truly love them in the first place. Its form, intensity and focus will evolve, but it never truly goes away.
Love hates to be controlled. Have you ever tried to pick up a cat and hold on to it, and had it claw at you until you let it down, only to return and sit on your lap, purring, moments later. Love, like our feline friends, want to have a choice. When it feels restrained it tries to break free, and when it is free, it wants to be needed and so it settles down and nests.
Love wants to be trusted, so have faith in love. If you find yourself starting to doubt the love you are receiving, stop and question instead the love you are giving. If you have stopped feeling loved, perhaps it is because you have stopped being loving. If you are feeling shortchanged by love, the temptation is to hang on to everything you have, or even start restricting the amount of love you give. This is an almost completely automatic reaction, but fight it! Love is a giving emotion, the more you give to others, the more they will want to give back to you, the more love you receive the more you will want to give. But the more you try to take, the more it will elude you.
So when you feel that you are losing love, do not hang on and let it turn to hate, set it free on the winds of change, and if it is meant to be it will come back to you stronger than ever, and if it isn’t, then a still greater love will find its way to you instead.